Everything You Want
by maryd
Summary: Songfic, with some angst, unrequited love from Kayura. Involves 3 relationships among 4 people. Doesn't end happily for our heroine. Please R &R!


Note:I do not own Ronin Warriors or this song "Everything You Want" by Vertical Horizon.

Everything You Want

_Somewhere there's speaking,_

_It's already coming in…_

_Oh and it's rising in the back of your mind…_

_ _

_His spirit was unconquerable, unwavering. An avenging war angel rising up to meet his death at her swords.Fine russet hair flamed out and then spilled over his head in a fiery halo as Anubis reached out and crowned her with his helmet._

_The small part of her mind that she still had watched in horrified fascination as her surekill overwhelmed his and struck him.And then the ground slammed into her body, the painful impact replacing the vanishing wickedness inside her._

_Kayura sat up in shock.She was covered in armor.She had her mind back.She had her body back."Anubis?" she asked, shaken.What had she done?_

_"Kayura."He gripped the bridge railing and smiled with glad welcome.He seemed to be absolutely untouched."You've come back to us at last."Then he fell face forward into the stream, unnaturally still as Yulie's cries pierced the air…_

_ _

_You never could get it,_

_Unless you were fed it._

_Now you're here and you don't know why…_

Amidst the trees on the little island mound near the lakeshore, birds chirped above her, signaling the presence of dawn.Kayura's head tilted a little more to the side, eyes half closed in meditation.Sitting on the ground, her body was absolutely relaxed as she pondered loyalty…

_Blue and white gleamed against the dank and gloom of the cave-like room, a bright celestial figure out of place standing on dirt, enclosed by rock walls.Eyes the color of the evening sky stared at her, radiating defiance as she tried to reason with him.She remembered her incredulity at his answer even as he rebuked her for even trying to spare him some pain…_

_"My friend's in trouble and he needs help!But you don't know what it means to make sacrifices for your friends…I'd risk my life for them and I know they'd do the same for me…that's part of what being a Ronin Warrior is all about…"_

__Sadness pricked her heart, as always, at what he said next_._

_"It's something that I don't think you'll ever understand."_

_ _

_But underneath skinned knees_

_And the skid marks_

_Past the places where you used to learn…_

Was she not a loyal fighter?

She may not have had friends while under Talpa's control, but how could anyone have doubted her loyalty to Talpa then?She had trained and suffered for years to attain her status.She had taken bruises in sparring, and then, wounds in battle.

_"Do not worry, my warlords.She will not fail me._

_She would not dare."_

Anubis and Rowen of the Strata were willing to die for their cause.For Anubis, it was a matter of honor.For Rowen, it was his friends.

What had she been willing to die for?What did she have worth fighting for?

_"The pay is good and there's room for advancement_…"

Praise, material reward, and empty glory from an embodiment of evil.She had known nothing else.

How sad.

_You howl and listen,_

_Listen and wait for the_

_Echoes of angels who won't return._

Kayura never forgot what Anubis did for her.She prayed for his soul daily and hoped to honor his memory by making his sacrifice worthy.In the meantime, there was the matter of his armor.She had mastered the fighting skills and shared in the mindlink with the other Seasonals, but she felt she was missing something when the Masho came together.It was more acute when they visited the Mortal Realm and all nine armors were there.She felt shut out, somehow.The Elementals were bonded together, of course, but the Masho, who had known and worked with each other long before, seemed to have found their counterparts among the Elementals, drawing on their past histories together, respecting them as worthy opponents and allies.She, never having battled any of them in the Armor of Loyalty, had no one.It also did not help that she was the only woman among eight men.

_He's everything you want_

_He's everything you need_

_He's everything inside of you that you wish you could be._

_He says all the right things_

_At exactly the right time,_

_But he means nothing to you_

_And you don't know why._

Ryo told her that the bonding and the pairing had "just happened".It was something that could not be explained, like friendship, and he had left it at that.Noting that Kayura barely remembered her life before Talpa, he suggested she ask the warrior of Strata for his advice, as the Ronins were his first real friends.Kayura was reluctant to approach the aloof Ronin about his personal life, even though everyone seemed to have put the past, more or less, behind them.But with Mia acting as a go-between, providing moral support, she was relieved to find him receptive to her timid advances.It was a lukewarm, almost cool reception, but still…

_You're waiting for someone_

_To put you together,_

_You're waiting for someone_

_To push you away._

_There's always another _

_Wound to discover,_

_There's always something more _

_You'd wish he'd say._

The first few months were awkward, to say the least.Rowen of the Strata was the most visible reminder of her wrongful past and when she was not flooded by guilt, she ached for the life Talpa took away from her.Rowen seemed to have taken into account that she had been brainwashed to serve Talpa, but that did not make things easier for them overnight.

What was easier was learning about the Elemental Armors and the Mortal World.Rowen was a capable tutor, and as their conversations turned from their own armors into their respective powers, she quizzed him about living with the powers of a Ronin, while he satisfied his curiosity as to how she learned and controlled her powers as a daughter of the Ancient.They exchanged books, he puzzling over spells and incantations while she looked through his astronomy books in fascination.She had to bribe him with some of her precious chocolate so she could read his history books, but then managed to win some of it back from him over the most excruciating game of go she had ever played.He pulled her out to point out some of beauties of the nighttime sky she had seen in his books, while she in turn dragged him to town as her chauffeur and chaperone to see the "classic" forms of dance and drama that had evolved since her abduction to the Nether Realm some four hundred years back.

And then, one night, it happened.It was the last night of one of her many visits and she was hastily finishing a book (yet another romantic "classic" she had missed) before joining the Masho back home in Nether Realm in the morning.Rowen finally shut his book and bid her goodnight and goodbye, ending a quiet evening of reading in each other's company.She was watching him go upstairs, sadly thinking this would be the last she would see of him for some time, when she realized she loved him.

That bit of wisdom was a blessing and a curse.She had always dismissed the possibility of love as something she could not bother with, not with her responsibilities.After all that she had been through, she felt she did not need the fleeting happiness and inevitable sorrow love brought.But it was too late now.Yet again, the warrior of Strata had thrown a wrench in her plans.This time, it was the plans for her heart.

_He's everything you want_

_He's everything you need_

_He's everything inside of you that you wish you could be._

_He says all the right things _

_At exactly the right time,_

_But he means nothing to you _

_And you don't know why._

Did he love her back?Could he love her?How could she fulfill her duties while making him a part of her life?How could she live otherwise?After a restless day and a sleepless night back home in the palace, Kayura finally gave up on the questions she could not answer.She only knew that while he was near, everything was better.And so she continued her friendly visits to Rowen and Mia, but she did discreetly stop wearing Loyalty in the Mortal Realm.It was not needed anymore, she told Rowen.In truth, she was deathly afraid that Loyalty would betray her feelings to Strata and change things between their bearers.It was unlikely it would happen, but she did not want to take any chances.Her time with him was becoming increasingly precious to her, not because there was so little of it.Hardly.She just craved more of it.

This was beginning to hurt.

_But you'll just sit tight_

_And watch it unwind_

_It's only what you're asking for._

_ _

_And you'll be just fine_

_With all of your time_

_ _

_It's only what you're waiting for…_

"It's Sage!" Rowen shouted as he ran out the front door to greet his best friend.Kayura smiled and put the finishing touches on the tray of tea and coffee while Mia put out the little cakes Sage liked.The bearer of Halo was finally here, and Rowen had missed his best friend greatly.This would be the end of his moping, which had weighed on her more heavily than she allowed herself to show. 

She set the tray on the coffee table in the living room.They were out of sugar packets—she snatched up the little container before she hurried to the front door.The sugar could wait.

She came to the open door and looked out.The bright sunlight lit up the blond head as the youth strode eagerly up the path, a smile lighting up his face.He really was suited to the name of his armor, she thought.Rowen met him more than halfway.He threw his arms about his best friend and kissed him on the mouth.

Passionately.

Sage tightened his arms about Rowen's waist as he kissed him back with equal fervor.

The sugar container shattered into a dozen shards at her feet.

_Out of the island_

_Into the highway_

_Past the places where you might have turned,_

_You never did notice_

_But you still hide away,_

_The anger of angels who won't return._

"Well," Mia smiled."It looks like those two are finally getting somewhere."She looked down at Kayura, who was on her hands and knees, one hand reaching for the bigger broken china piece, murmuring apologies."Oh, don't worry about it—I was just as surprised as you were.No, don't touch it, I'll get a broom."She bustled off.

Kayura looked at the shard in her hand and closed her eyes in pain.It was all too logical.Sage was unquestionably closer to Rowen than she was, had fought on the same side with Rowen, had known Rowen longer.And that was without the closeness of the Armors.

And what did she have?His forgiveness.His… friendship.Nothing more, nothing less.It was more than she deserved.Leaving her with her honor and her duty, as always.

Honor…

The memory of Anubis forcing his helmet on her did not stop the hurt, but it made her think.If she could not live for the one dearest to her heart, she could live for honor and duty, as Anubis did.

Approaching footsteps made her rise to her feet.She forced a smile and bowed slightly at Sage, who came in with his arm around Rowen's shoulders."It's good to see you, Halo.If you will excuse me, I need to check on things back home.I'll be back."They thought nothing of this, since the Masho usually checked in with Kayura via mindlink frequently.

She walked out the back door and down the garden path to the lake, past the little wooded island where she used to meditate.The massive red gate, responding to her mental call, seemed to rise with funereal slowness out of the ground.Kayura heard an echo of laughter back at the house and began to hurry.Chest painfully constricted, she ran to the gate.

Cale was standing on the other side, looking at her with concern on his face.He had felt her sudden shock and turmoil and had teleported to the gate just in time.

"What is it, Kayura?"

The unexpected gentleness in his voice made her self-control shift and unravel.How she forced herself to step through the portal and answer him, she did not know."Rowen and Sage.They're…they're…" her voice dropped to a shaky whisper.

"They're lovers."

"Oh, Kayura…" The dam that had contained her anguish so far was now giving way.Cale pulled her into his comforting embrace as the first tears ran down her face, and the floodgates opened as she sobbed into his shoulder.

_He's everything you want_

_He's everything you need_

_He's everything inside of you _

_That you wish you could be._

_He says all the right things_

_At exactly the right time_

_But he means nothing to you_

_And you don't know why._

His heart twisted in agony at her weeping.The gods knew he would do anything for her happiness.It wasn't fair!She, out of all of them, had the best chance for a normal life, deserved the best chance.Unfortunately for her, she was loyal to them, her only family now, obedient to the Ancient's will, and he knew all too well about obedience.But to have her hopes dashed like this…He could run Strata through with his own arrows for making her cry.

He touched his lips to her dark head.He couldn't fault Strata for Kayura's heartbreak, just as he couldn't fault her for his own heartache.And Kayura did not need revenge. She needed him now, to comfort her as he did in the past.He would always be there for her, as he always was before.

His arms tightened around her as if by doing so he could exorcise her pain out of her heart.For as long as she grieved for Strata, he would grieve.For her.

_I am everything you want_

_I am everything you need_

_I am everything inside of you_

_That you wish you could be._

_I say all the right things_

_At exactly the right time,_

_But I mean nothing to you_

_And I don't know why._

_ _

_…I don't know why…_


End file.
